Tale of the Tail

We have had a crisis of epic proportions in our household. A disaster heretofore unimagined and, in fact, presumed impossible. A disaster which has called into question my belief in the supremacy of physics and basic biology (or at least anatomy).  

Sad, limp tail

Our akita’s tail has unfurled. Her proud, bouncy, beautiful, tightly-curled tail is hanging like so much limp spaghetti. Yes, I realize this is a First World problem. But it rocked our world. Is it permanent? Is it dangerous? Will her spine be impacted? IS IT OUR FAULT?

I tried to envision the discussion with the vet.

“Hi, my dog’s tail is straight.”

“What?”

“Her tail. It’s straight.”

“OK. Are you on drugs?”

The research actually suggested it might actually be our fault. Which led to depression and guilt all around. We gave her a hose bath last weekend, and this can apparently lead to something called (I kid you not) “cold tail” or “frozen tail.” A friend suggested that Kuma is smart enough to have looked the symptoms up on the internet and faked it to avoid future baths. I like this theory. She’s certainly smart enough to have eaten any hose we stupidly left within her reach. She leaves the pieces scattered on the driveway as a warning to other hoses.

In all reality she probably sprained it. Like Lazarus, the tail is showing signs of revival. It is trying – really trying – to regain its once-majestic curl. It looks more like a wounded snake trying to escape from her rump. But at least it’s something. After a week and a half, I’d begun to despair.

I’ve also been forced to face my own shallowness. Who cares if her tail is curly? Would I love her less without it? What if she were an ugly dog? Would I still love her? AM I A BAD MOM? (Yes, dog mom, I know, but I’m childless, so let me have my anthropomorphic dreams.)

But, like the honey badger, Kuma don’t care. She’s her junebug-chasing, cat annoying, treat mongering, kong-loving girl.

Moral of the story: spring for the warm bath at Dirty Dog. It’s worth a few bucks to avoid the angst. Kuma wins again.

The formerly glorious tail